i know i can’t cope up with it like you did. i know i can’t understand it like you did and maybe i will never be able to but at least i tried. i did feel useless for most the days i tried but at least i did. you still are so different then you seem to be and i know that’s not a bad thing. how can being different be a bad thing? it wasn’t always flowers and rainbows was what you told me. you told me i couldn’t understand love as to understand it you have to feel it and to some extent it is true but I knew I could feel something. maybe it was one sided but it was something. you maybe can’t classify into something called ‘love’ but do you know what is love? hasn’t that word lost all its substance yet? hasn’t that word been so overused that now when you meet people for the first time, they say ‘love you’ instead of goodbye. yes, i couldn’t deal with myself and I had to stop. i had to stop my brain for some while but i did cope with my problems without creating them into bigger ones. i did overcome them myself. i do understand that in order for me to understand what you feel i have to feel what you do but isn’t that impossible? god, i will never be able to help you and honestly, i am not sorry for that because you didn’t help me either. i know i will feel the pain and i will feel the guilt but I still won’t help you. no, not because i don’t want you to heal but because i don’t know what you are going through even if you talk about it. i am not selfish but i just wish you well. i  know i  can’t understand it but at least I tried.

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